|
Never once did I see the contract. Nothing comes to mind reminding me of when or where I signed, but for some reason there's a giant neon sign hovering an inch and a half above me ol' forehead reading, "Problems in your relationship? I'll provide a way out." More married, engaged, or seriously involved women hit on me than any other demographic. |
Again, no clue as to how this came to pass, but for the better part of the last 12 or so years, this has been a constant on the cosmic roller coaster.
So I'd like to take the opportunity to say to you all, if you're involved on any level with anyone-it's probably best if you stay the hell away from me. I look for tan lines on ring fingers now, and the simple fact that we're in a conversation raises red flags in the synaptic bug zapper. Admittedly, in the reckless days(when I was always wrecked-sounds contradictory, but they seem to hold hands, don't they?) indulging in the taboo wasn't on my don't list, but part of grudgingly growing up has granted some glimpses into this garish genuflection, so I implore you, pick up your drink and step slowly away from the slice of Pan seated next to you.
Yes, I realize that nobody likes to be told what to do, it's your life, and I'm positive we could have more fun together than you do with the idiot you're trying to cheat on, but that's hardly the point. Can't a guy just be over all that fucking drama (no pun intended)? I tried going out less, only to receive an immediate influx of proposals of a similar ilk in my inbox from girls I hadn't spoken to in years (how the hell do they know?). So the high road was attempted, only to be perceived as playing hard to get, something I'm fundamentally opposed to having spent my childhood in the instant gratification generation, and the whole situation is beginning to leave the taste of a southern comfort hangover in my mouth.
This is not a mea culpa, I'm not asking, I'm screaming at the top of my god damn lungs, "Get thee behind me devil-woman!" Nor am I claiming to know what's best for you, this is about what's going to keep me from seeing the world from the inside of a bottle of Bombay Sapphire.
- Steve -
Warning: main(/home/content/h/i/p/hipsterpad/html/comments/comments.php) [function.main]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/content/h/i/p/hipsterpad/html/articleKryptoniteInvolved.php on line 603
Fatal error: main() [function.require]: Failed opening required '/home/content/h/i/p/hipsterpad/html/comments/comments.php' (include_path='.:/usr/local/lib/php') in /home/content/h/i/p/hipsterpad/html/articleKryptoniteInvolved.php on line 603
| |
