Breaking American Voters "In The Tank" For Obama! by Steve (Humour)
Reuters: The American people are one hundred percent "in the tank for Obama", says McCain strategist Steve Schmidt."It's despicable. These people are just ‘truth sheep' and ‘informative voters' with absolutely no imagination.", said Schmidt on FOX News this morning. "After all we've done to deceive them, you'd think they'd be more appreciative. This is just mind-boggling."
When asked what the McCain campaign's strategy for this recent development was, Mr. Schmidt, a lifelong douchebag, replied, "We have operatives in all 50 states enriching America's water supply with nutritious mercury. We're also planning on airing mini-sodes of "The Hills" instead of campaign ads. And if that doesn't dumb down the electorate enough, we have plans for staging open casting calls on November 4th in "traditionally Democratic neighborhoods", if you know what I mean, forVH1's Flavor of Love VI and I Love Money. The McCain campaign is determined to win this election by fraud if necessary." Schmidt also added, "Tank, tank, tankity, tank tank tank!".
A source close to the McCain campaign, speaking on a condition of anonymity, said, "I had a bad feeling this was going to happen. You know what they say, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still the most glaringly under-qualified and out of touch ticket in American history."
John McCain, Republican candidate for President, made the following statement via satellite from a campaign fundraiser aboard Lady Lynn de Rothschild's 64 ft. yacht, "Life isn't fair." A spokeswoman for Sarah Palin added, "Joe Six-Pack hates America, also, gee willikers gosh darn it to H E double hockey sticks." Palin herself was unavailable for comment, as she has been moved to an undisclosed location free from "that darn media filter" and "all them know-it-all book learners", sources say.
In related news, McCain campaign spokesman Tucker Bounds was found duct-taped to a Frisch's Big Boy in Whiteland, IN this morning. A police spokesman declined to make a full statement, as the investigation is ongoing, but did tell Reuters, "Well, this was gonna happen sooner or later. Once the ‘Meriken people get that truth in ‘em, there's no stoppin' ‘em. I reckon we're gonna see a lotta things like this in the upcomin' weeks."
James Carville responded to Schmidt's statement on CNN this morning. "Ya cain't rassle a dead poodle an' call it an alligator. Steve Schmidt may look in the mirra every mornin' an' see Lex Luthor, but the rest a us see a giant, bald head with a ugly ol' face." Following that statement, Mr. Carville spontaneously combusted from his own hypocrisy.
