The Goldfish Drama By Alisha, Guest Writer |Email|
I went to get a couple of goldfish yesterday to keep me company, and natually I go to Petsmart because I know they have a plethera of freshwater vainity fish- and everyone knows that Koreans don't have cats (I'm Korean). Anyway, I'm looking around and see two fish that have lots of personality and style so I ask the sales girl to give me a hand.
She had a striking resemblance to Jodi in the movie Knocked Up.
So this little 13th wonder of the world starts asking me all these academic questions about fish care. She's all "what kind of tank do you have?" "You do know that you should really have your tank set up for 3 to 4 days before getting a goldfish, and you do relaize that they can grow to be 8 to 10 inches". I about flipped! I didn't know goldfish got large enough to fry!
Anyway, she keeps gettin' up in my grille about fish care and tells me that I need a two gallon tank for one puny goldfish. I looked at her like, "bitch- you must be crazy". There is no way on this earth that she is going to sell me a $23.00, two gallon fish tank. I have a perfect vase at home to put the little suckers in.
She starts giving me the PETA treatment and tells me "if you don't have a 4 gallon tank set up at home that has been set up for at least 3 to 4 days, I cannot give you the 14 day gaurantee on those fish!" And gives me a look like I am some kind of gold-fish rapist.
I tell her, "look, I just want two goldfish today. I am not leaving here until I have them regardless of whether or not I have a tank set up. And if they die, I'll just get two more. They are only 26 cents a piece, cheap enough for a hobo to afford a nice meal."
She looks stunned, but the stoner faced type of stunned
So I make it to the checkout, and the cashier looks like she's been stuck in 80's heavy metal with a cheap at home dye job, and whore-make-up. She's at least 40 trying to look like Hannah Montana. She reads the fish bag, "no gaurntee" and starts treating me like the Michael Jackson of goldfish molestation.
Long story short, the fish are flippin fine, and happy. They are livin' the good life without any predators and a crowded tank with all of thier least favorite relatives- and they know it.
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