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Disclaimer: This is a work of SATIRE. The author's actual views are not at all represented. That I even have to preface this with said disclaimer just proves how truly out of hand this situation has become. If you want to read something literally written by a perfect stranger and believe it verbatim, convert to Christianity.
I swear to Mark Harmon, I'm so pissed off right now I could shit a brick. But that sounds painful, and I don't think my insurance covers something like that. And it would if I would've got my way and Hillary Clinton was leading us into the White House. |
But nooooo, thanks to the totally unfair, gender-biased media, my champion for liberty (and by liberty I mean Socialism) was ignored and ridiculed into submission. You won't see me giving up, though. Nor will you see nearly 30% of the party base giving up either. We've decided to take a stand for what we believe in! And what we believe in is the Clinton wing of the Democratic Party. So fuck Barak Obama, fuck hope, fuck change, and fuck anyone who supports all of the above. I'm a selfish, spoiled American, and if I can't get my way, no one else can.
I remember when everything was right and good in this country. It was a far away place called 10 months ago, when our savior dominated the media coverage and nobody cared about some upstart from Chicago who is most likely a militant radical with ties to Islam and terrorism. Who drinks $14 lattes and sleeps with his Blackberry more than his black wife. This wordy idealist who, although he shares my champion's beliefs on everything from the war in Iraq, to education, healthcare, the economy, the environment, and the need for Washington to be lead in a new and positive direction has tainted the time-honored tradition of getting a Clinton into office immediately after a Bush. I mean, it's just not fair!
Yup, I'm standing firm in my belief that since Hillary is the right choice for Commander in Chief, and she was pushed aside by an unqualified opponent, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. I, and millions of others like me, will break from the party we've worked tirelessly for and vote our conscience. And by that I mean John McCain. If it takes four more years of appalling foreign policy, economic programs that benefit the richest 10% of the country, tax breaks to companies that send American jobs overseas, privatized health care, the continued destruction of our environment, the same draconian drug laws that incarcerate non-violent offenders and punish the sick for taking beneficent medicine, off-shore drilling, in short, everything that I fundamentally despise about George Bush to prove a point...so be it. I would rather side with Tumor Face than watch Obama fly into the White House on his magic unicorn amid a heavenly cloud of hope. Some say we can't make this happen. That we're fools for ripping apart the Democratic Party. That we'll all come back to the fold after the convention. That we'd never choose four more years of fear, hate, and disasters. I say, Yes We Can!
- Steve -
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